Category Archives: curmudgeon

Oooo my aching back

I reckon I’m everyone of the 8 in 10 people who will experience back pain sometime in their sorry lives. I’ve suffered from this annoying condition for most of my adult life and to tell the truth I’m well pissed-off. … Continue reading

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Traditionally speaking

For some unknown reason I spent a lot of today thinking about ‘the things I don’t do anymore’. Things that don’t seem as important as they undoubtedly and traditionally,were. And it wasn’t as though those things became boring or tedious … Continue reading

Posted in cinema, complaint, curmudgeon, good while it lasted, history, hollywood, memories, movies, oh what fun we had, Personal, Spleen, The Poor, Truth, TV | Leave a comment

Has Dr Who jumped the Shark?

I don’t usually do critiques of the entertainment world but seeing as recent and unending Doctor Who hype really got my goat (below), I decided I couldn’t let matters lie. What I really got fed up with was never-ending over-the-top … Continue reading

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Life…don’t talk to me about life…

I have to confess I was a little alarmed to read that life expectancy has, in this year of our Lord, 2018, stalled. I’m not sure whether this means I had better hurry up and finish this or 100 is … Continue reading

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Day in Court? Forget it. Wealthy only need apply.

You would have thought that in a country that prides itself for its human rights record, the UK’S path to Justice would be unhindered. Unfortunately, that is not so. If you want something as basic as a fair hearing, you … Continue reading

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Holidays or Vacations

I have what some might say is a major problem. (I don’t do holidays or vacations as our American friends say). When I say ‘I don’t do holidays or vacations’ what I mean is I don’t like holidays or vacations. … Continue reading

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Reading all about it

I am an avid newspaper reader. Probably not as avid a some because my er…avidness (is that a word) only exists on the weekend. Oh yes, and only with two newspapers. The Guardian and The Observer. That may not impress … Continue reading

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When Two become One. A rant against ‘Love’.

It’s a funny old thing, marriage/partnership isn’t it (no need to answer). I refer of course to that ‘magical moment’ When Two become One (*cough).  And boy doesn’t it creep up on you. You’re sort of plodding along getting on with … Continue reading

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There really is such a thing as ‘The Dark Side’.

I can’t be the only one to be thinking that there really is such a thing as ‘The Dark Side’. I mean, it’s all a bit of a mess isn’t it? At the moment it’s like what Marvin the Paranoid Android … Continue reading

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Bank Holidays. What are they? What are they for?

So here we are in the UK just coming out of one of those strange day-long holidays us Brits call ‘Bank Holidays’. In truth, no-one on this sceptered isle has any idea what they are, what they are meant to celebrate … Continue reading

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Heart is where the thin tube is.

Yesterday was a big day for me…but before I get on to that let me say one thing. If there are any of you out there due to go into hospital for an Angiogram…have no fear. It’s OK and it … Continue reading

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A word with God

The thing is, when I get to visit that great Internet in the sky, (I say ‘Internet’ because I reckon ‘The Matrix’ might have got some of it, right), I shall be wanting a word with God.  (Although this may sound arrogant … Continue reading

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thinking about The Insects

Lately, I’ve been thinking about The Insects, and what a bad deal they get from us humans. It seems the smaller you are, the less we (us humans) care. If  you’re say dog-sized and…er a dog, you are noticed and either … Continue reading

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In Praise of Stratford-upon-Avon

Now here’s something you don’t see very often. Me…writing an article in Praise of Stratford upon Avon. Usually, when I’m in FCM (Full Curmudgeon Mode) I complain about anything and everything that takes place, exists etc in this place that … Continue reading

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Advertising, in all its forms

As a life-long Curmudgeon and miserable bar-steward one of the many things that gets my goat is advertising, in all its forms. The thing that has always puzzled me is the fact that I have always assumed that it must … Continue reading

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Children’s entertainers…love ’em or hate ’em?

Being a dyed in the wool Curmudgeon there’s not a lot that makes me laugh, especially amongst the group best known as, children’s entertainers. However, I was very sad to hear that Barry Chuckle of the Chuckle Brothers had passed … Continue reading

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The Stratford-upon-Avon Herald.

I’m getting so bored with the national newspapers these days. Everywhere you turn it’s Brexit this, Trump that. It’s got so bad that I have taken to ‘reading’ the local newspaper, in my case The Stratford-upon-Avon Herald, much more than … Continue reading

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My relationship with the current hot weather situation.

In the current hot weather I resemble a barrage balloon. Soon I will take to the skies. Much more heat and my expansion will become a wonder to see. I look like something out of Madame Tussaud. Wax-like and shiny … Continue reading

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Whatever happened to the Future?

Most of what we as kids used to think about as ‘the future’ has to some degree, happened. We’ve got our ‘Dan Dare’ communications devices but they’re now called mobile/cell phones (sorry Dan). We’re very close to the ‘jet packs’ … Continue reading

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Life after Death.

I’m afraid after recent shocking revelations about my health from people who know about these things (Heart attack? What heart attack!?), I have to admit my thoughts have been turned towards the great hereafter. Not that, that is something new. … Continue reading

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‘…and it came to pass that the darkness descending upon the land bought Brexit, Trump & Murdoch’

You know me. I’m not what you would call an over-dramatic kind of person (*cough. OK apart from the title of this piece ‘…and it came to pass that the darkness descending upon the land bought Brexit, Trump & Murdoch’ … Continue reading

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…this is a piece dedicated for those just like me.

It’s interesting to note (at least it is for me) that most of my life’s memorable moments have come about when I’ve been recognised for who, and what I am. So, with that in mind, …this is a piece dedicated for those … Continue reading

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It smells like treason and it makes me feel uncomfortable…like something is coming.

What a very strange time to be alive. There’s something in the air. And it’s not good. It smells like treason and it makes me feel uncomfortable…like something is coming. It reminds me of that time many years ago when the … Continue reading

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Symptoms. A significant birthday and time for my body to fall to pieces.

It would appear that almost to the day of a significant birthday (mind your own business but a clue; biblical), the symptoms have arrived and my body has decided to take the hint and begin to fall to pieces. To … Continue reading

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A hole in time. The holiday we have just come back from.

So, where was I? Oh yes…the holiday that we  (me and the memsahib) have just come back from. Yeah, it was OK. Sort of. The weather was fantastic if you like being boiled alive and the coffee in the room … Continue reading

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One guess and one guess only…what’s trending in the UK at the moment?

I’ll give you one guess and one guess only to this question. If you were to go to Google this very moment and ask it, ‘What is trending in the UK at this moment?’ What do you think the answer … Continue reading

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The Five essential signs of British Summer time (in Stratford-upon-Avon).

The Five essential signs that British Summer time has arrived in Stratford-upon-Avon. 1. 7.30 in the morning. The two families that appear to own 20 dogs apiece let them loose to shit in their garden rather than take them for a walk … Continue reading

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Warning: Facebook spat over vulture and dying baby.

Having a bit of a Facebook spat at the moment concerning that infamous/awful photograph of a vulture waiting to peck the eyes out of a dying little black baby. If you haven’t seen it, take a deep breath… I won’t … Continue reading

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A man without a shed is like…?

In praise of Sheds. There’s no doubt in my mind that one of life’s greatest woes is a man without a shed. A man without a shed is like a snail without a shell. A wanderer in a desert with … Continue reading

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Kids are great.

Kids are great. There’s nothing like a child to make you feel good about yourself. You can invent the most outlandish story about yourself and…they’ll believe anything you say. The memsahib for instance was 35 before she realised the story … Continue reading

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The family adage ‘Blood is thicker than water’ sends a shiver down my spine

Yes, I am aware of how cold this sounds…but I have never understood why families are looked upon with such reverence and respect. The old adage ‘blood is thicker than water’ sends a shiver down my spine for many reasons. … Continue reading

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I am a collector. And I collect hats.

I am a collector. And I collect hats. There, I’ve finally said it. It is out in the open. My secret, revealed at last. I have scores of the things. Trilby’s, bowlers, straw hats, leather hats. Caps made of tweed. … Continue reading

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Racist? Your Hatred will make you ill.

I want to apologise before I begin. That’s because I guess today’s post could be called preaching. It’s not meant to be. It’s more of a warning and it’s meant sincerely. So…my text today…‘your Hatred will make you ill’. You … Continue reading

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The real reason why the UK High Street is dying and how to increase footfall.

If you are a shop keeper and want to know the real reason why the UK High Street is dying, you have come to the right place. If you want to increase footfall The Curmudgeon knows the answer to that, … Continue reading

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The long punishment of Harvey Weinstein.

Judging by the numerous TV clips on the news recently, The Long Punishment of Harvey Weinstein has well and truly begun. The man looked defeated both mentally and physically and is obviously already reaping the consequences of his dastardly actions. … Continue reading

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My complaint letter to BRITISH GAS or Long day’s journey into night.

Thought you might like to see my British Gas Complaint Letter. Labelled ‘URGENT’ they promise me a reply in 72 hours. Dear sir or madam, I am on my 5th engineer in three days. Day One: 21st May 2018. Engineer … Continue reading

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The whole world has gone completely bat shit mad.

There’s a rumour doing the rounds that we could be in for a General Election. Sooner rather than later. Now before you let rip with three rather loud Hoorahs and get your hopes up that at long last we (I … Continue reading

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Just one more word on the Royal Wedding. (I promise).

Please, allow me just one more word on the royal wedding, (I promise). So much happened during the day that got me thinking that I can’t shut up. I know I had something to say in my last post but … Continue reading

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The Royal Wedding was Fantastic on all Fronts.

Update. I never thought I would be saying this, but the Royal Wedding was Fantastic on all Fronts. Apart from the fact that there was hardly a dry eye in the place, I can do nothing more than congratulate the … Continue reading

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Clinging by my fingertips to what is left of my life…

OK, so ‘Clinging by my fingertips to what is left of my life…’ might seem a little over the top. But if you had just had the day I have, perhaps you would understand. As I may have mentioned before … Continue reading

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The President’s A Dress. Direct from the White House.

The President speaks… My Fellow Americans…. I know I, your President speaks for us all when I say that the past few months have been a difficult time. A time when we’ve watched our great country and all it stands … Continue reading

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Don’t worry about the weather. It’s not worth it.

If you are planning a holiday (or a vacation as our American friends say), in the UK, I have some advice. Don’t worry about the weather. Don’t worry about the weather. It’s not worth it.  OK, if you were going … Continue reading

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Cushions plumped and toilet lids down.

Honestly, you’d think a man of my age, someone who has contributed so much to society anonymously and without plaudits, would be allowed a few moments of peace. A coffee and a scan of the newspapers, that’s all. I’d only … Continue reading

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The TV Companies took away my Sports.

The reason I hate the TV companies is simple. They took away my sport. Don’t get me wrong, I may have been a bit of a Greek-God lookalike in my youth but I was never an ace sportsman. I could … Continue reading

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Why eating out with the Curmudgeon is not necessarily a good thing

To be honest, Eating out with the Curmudgeon would be for most, a definite no-no. It’s best not to eat out with me, (unless of course you are paying) because I have certain er…’difficulties’. I would, (if you are anything like … Continue reading

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How to handle Computer failure my way.

Aaagh. Had a bit of a shock yesterday. Computer failure! But did I panic? Yes I did. Of course it was nothing like the old days where computer failure meant when you got the dreaded blue screen. The days when … Continue reading

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Taking Man-Flu seriously

Over the past few days I have been struck down by what my wife laughingly calls ‘Man-Flu’.  I have no idea what that means other than it sends herself and her ‘caring’ friends into gales of laughter. This makes me … Continue reading

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Don’t believe everything they say about being a Grandfather.

There’s something special about being a Grandfather (*cough). Should you be lucky enough to reach this regarded position in the hierarchy of the family, special powers are automatically bestowed upon you. Younger members of the family will hang on to … Continue reading

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The wisdom of Kanye West

Aaah yes, the wisdom of Kanye West. Philosopher and Guru. A man who should be in a cave somewhere in Tibet, levitating.  Without a doubt, Kanye West is one of the New Breed. Kanye West is a New Kind of … Continue reading

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I’m off grid and going dark

Feeling curmudgeonly Continue reading

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D.I.Y. Not for me thank you.

I don’t mind admitting that I am completely useless at D.I.Y. (or as it’s known in more educated circles ‘Do It Yourself) I don’t know if it’s something in my genes but no matter how I have tried (let’s face it, … Continue reading

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Take pride in calling yourself a Technophobe?

If there’s a kind of people who really gets my goat (what a stupid expression. I don’t have a goat?)it’s the people who take pride in calling themselves Technophobe The kind of person who, when confronted with a row of … Continue reading

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How I Learnt to Stop Striving and Just BE.

  This is how I learnt to stop striving…but first striving, to strive. What does it mean? The dictionary definition says something like: Strive: To make great efforts to achieve or obtain something. To struggle or fight vigorously. To try, try hard, attempt, endeavour, aim, aspire, venture, undertake, seek, make an … Continue reading

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The older you get…

The older you get the more ‘invisible’ you will become. Of this you should have no doubt. You can be sure that when you reach that Certain Age everyone will begin to behave as though you don’t exist. Shop assistants ‘look … Continue reading

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Are our Politicians Respected and Trusted?

Let’s be honest about this. When we take a close look at present day politics and politicians, it’s sad to note that apparently  no-one trusts them. Whether you like or dislike them, they are very important in fact crucial if … Continue reading

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An Open Letter to my American Friends.

My dear American Friends,

I’ll come straight to the point. I am worried about you. What has happened to you? Continue reading

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Facebook. Is Mark Zuckerberg your new Big Brother?

I think I might have finally beaten my Facebook/Zuckerberg addiction. Thankfully, after a week of not posting, the sweats and shaking have stopped and I’m finally sleeping at night. The latest revelations regarding Facebook’s involvement in the alleged manipulations of voting … Continue reading

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America falling…

The man Trump lives in his own made-up universe. He sees neither to the left of him or to the right. His upbringing was such that he does not feel the need to ponder wrong or right or even examine the … Continue reading

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From Russia with Love? Asking for a friend.

Did Russia poison the Skripals? There are a quite a few things I don’t understand about the poisoning in Salisbury. OK, let’s ask the question ‘Did Russia poison the Skripals?’, there are apparently reasons we should and like most interested … Continue reading

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